omgomgomg. it's damn obvious damn obvious damn obvious. i can't face her anymore can't face her anymore. help help help. save my soul save my soul save my soul. she hates me she hates me she hates me.

$10 for a freakin piece of info izit too much? it's just a simple waste of money i guess. if jane can ever find jimbo's name and stuff, i promised to pay her $10. crap. shouldn't have said it. chucky has free food to eat. i dun have. so jealous please. i want to surf the ocean. play at the beach. and never ever come back to this lonely land again. this land filled with worried and super paranoid thoughts. and i can't seem to get my mind off her. i better kick her out of my thoughts soon. or else i am gonna be so screwed. save my soul. save me. free me from this worry.

i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am worried bout my transfer of cca.
i am worried bout my transfer of cca. i am super paranoid. super over sensative. i tend to take things TOO seriously. i am paranoid. i am worried. i am depressed. i know i am. you can't stop me. i want to stop this. but i just don't seem to be able to.


the world is falling. everything is so wrong la. i really want to know if i can get this change in cca. linda has waited 5 weeks. and i seriously don't wanna do that. i don't wanna wait so long. till the day i don't get it, i'll just remaind depressed and paranoid the whole way. just can't help it. i am worried. and i can't sleep. all thanks to my wrong choice in cca in sec1. was like stupid then, made wrong choice. and i'm so super POOPED after pbl, bluesky and stuff. my weekends for sleeping for the past 2 weeks have been deprived la. and this sunday is lwl's wedding. worse. must wake up at like dunno wat time to go. and I'M GONNA WEAR A SKIRT. it's amazing la. i'm wearing the ONLY skirt in my cupboard for a teacher's wedding. WOW.


i bet i am gonna wear something really nice to ahem's wedding. i am i am. i wish i could go.


JIMBO + TANBO = TANGTANGTANGTANG

i wish i am invited. the whole world seem to be crushing down on me. no one is around to care. no one gives a damn bout me. i am just like this invisible shadow. this ghost which floats behind people's backs. to shine in their glory. to just hide away from the world. to let people flare up at me. to let people be pissed at me. to be bullied by the world. to get hidden from things. to not be known from some things. to be isolated. to not be high. to need coke to get high. to die out after coke-ing.

to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca.

to get depressed after every few seconds. to see others being very busy and to wallow in self-pity and blaming myself for not being like them. to get pissed at myself for every single thing. to be super busy over pbl while seeing some other people sit down there and shake legs. to get pissed at them. to quarrel. and to have others to ask me like "pearlyn. u seem unhappy today".

to look at others having so many things to do at hand. and to stare back at myself and ask "how come u are not assigned to these things?" to get jealous when others have so many things to do. to tell myself it's not my prob and not to bother. to get my mind off the concept of getting sad. to try ways to find something else to do. unfortunately, i can't.

to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca.to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca.to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. to worry non-stop bout my transfer of cca. i'm really troubled. i think my blog should be called "troubled mind of mine" la. and not "i wanna touch the sky((:" which is really crap.
did i say? i got conned by jessleen. if she make a nice nice nice and i mean really nice nice skin, i am supposed to pay her $17. crap. and melly $10. chucky $10. linghui $10. gosh. i'm so broke.

really pissing day. f4 (i think my clique noes who) pissed me off once again. they never seem to UNPISS me every single day. someone else who is such a poser also pissed me. and i was like cursing her going WTH. and gosh. i pissed some ppl off. i think i pissed off chucky. linghui. and even ahem. ahhh. -freaks out-

so u see. i am like halfway through my letter. i'm still very lost as in like should i change? or should i not? i think changing will make my life better. i'll be happier and stuff. but if i change evryone there will be like pissed with me. and i'm the black sheep. and yah. many ppl will basically hate me la. and i'm so glad leemin said let it be. GOSH. THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR BELIEVING IN ME. ((:


yeah. i think i saw jimbo and tanbo buying wedding dress at da shop. i must be cock eyed. @.@ sometimes in life you gotta make a change. and i think i'll make this change in my life now.
it's really no point staying in a cca which you don't really like.

in which you can't make a difference.
in which you go or don't go also doesn't matter.
in which you can't say out your viewpoints.
in which you cannot contribute.
in which you cannot express yourself.
in which you gotta fake enthu when you are actually sian of wadeva it is.
in which you just sit down there and rot.
in which you waste your 2 hours doing nothing.
in which the committe do all the stuff and you do nothing.
in which is a waste of time.


great. i think i should have paid more attention in anna cheng's english class. now in order for me to change my cca, i gotta write a formal letter. how do you write one in the first place? i know there's a heading. and a conclusion. and you are sincere to someone and faithful to no one? or izit the other way around. and i better add my reason for quitting. my reason for joining. my commitment. what i can contribute and yah. basically amanda's helping me to write and jingyi's helping me to edit. YAY. ^^


melly's got a really really nice tsubasa blog. "hey. u better see this kaes. OR ELSE". and i tagged!! ^^ and omg la. i love it to bits and pieces. hey melly. i pay you $10. make a skin for me. or whoeva who is good at blogging la. ((: come to me. i pay you $10. u make a skin. GOOD?


sigh. really stressed out of all these days of work and tests and no play. no play makes my life so dull. i'm now married to my obsession for ahem. engaged to my tablet. filled with stress not love. sick of test. and i'm also dating my homework. but still. if i fill in forms or if someone ask you, please say i'm single. XD i am feeling so stressed up. yeah. stressed up. i guess that's the only word i can use la. what else can i say? there are like so many stuff going on. and speech day is a total waste of time. me being a prize winner for some dumb subject doesn't make it any better. and wats more i'm the 1st to go up the stage la. 1st in the whole cohort. 1st in the whole class. 1st in the WHOLE SCHOOL. and i get stage fright. and it's like mary yeo that is the guest of honour. who on earth is she anyway. yeah. and i stayed back today for nuthing. sat there and rotted. and only spent like 1min walking up and down da stage. fullstop.


let's recap on bluesky. lantian festival. ((: i love it so much. it's really cool. really nice. and it's like the 1st weekend this year that i did not bother to spy at ahem's house. woohlala. spent the whole day with her. jimjim so cute. tats wad WE the employ EE and ER thinks. bwahahas. omg. and i realised that he likes winking. her is like damn desperate to let the whole world know that "WE ARE A COUPLE!!" and going like "small little things count in a relationship. *winkwink*. it's just too bad that his other part think otherwise. SHE on the other hand, doesn'T wanna let ppl noe. and goes like "WE ARE SIBLINGS!!" hahas. ohman. it's so cute. i shall not be the 3rd party and interfere this time. (: i shall be sweet nice and kind. bwahahas.


yeah. so bluesky was a nice nice experience. bet you must be wondering why i kept this so short la. cause my mum's bugging and i gtg. so oh well. i'm still deciding on whether i should quit LD. it's no point staying in a cca i dont like though. but what i can't bear to part are all the cca points. unless they dont remove my points, i'll definately change. and i guess i'll be so much happier from then on.... ((: i just noticed that i haven been blogging for a long long time. although i come online every single day. guess i'm too lazy la. i just made a discovery today. hahs. think i sound like some nerdo person la. but oh well. a discovery is still a discovery.

i found out tat life is just bloody unfair. whateva u wanna get, you just dun get it. whateva u dun wanna get. i duno why, but i always seem to end up being YOU, the "luckiest" person in the whole world getting it. sometimes, i wish i can swop my life with someone else. but oh well, the other discovery i made today is tat being yourself is the best. and yeah. I WANNA SWOP MY LIFE WITH CHUCKY. either that, i want a change in cca. yeah. getting sick of my cca. i dunno why actually. and i'm getting money-wised. so yupp. i want a change in cca. and i'm trying to hint hint hint. but no one seem to geddit la.

just super stressed up with loads and loads of stuff this week. gotta stay back and shit. and there's so many projects and homework and stuff. and it's getting hard to stick to my 9.30 forced-by-my-mother bedtime. and oh welll. tmr i'm gonna be REALLY BRAVE. i'm gonna go to her face. and be a chucky lookalike. and use my super daring voice to ask her if i can join bluesky with jane, airika and ruth. and of course chucky la. ONE OF MY FAVE JOOONIORS. since she call me ONE OF HER FAVE SEEENIORS. and not her fave. hurmph. fine la. )): piff.


seriously, in conclusion. i want a change in life. either tat, a change in cca. or i wanna take 1s2 for class duty and not some 2c3 thing. with SUPER BAD VIEW. and i can't see a single thing. )): thank you delight. thank you loads. i love you to bits and pieces. thank you for screwing up my tagboard. sobs. now my tags are gone. and i cannot trace that anonymous tag anymore. thank you for screwing up my tagboard. but well, at least we found out that the person uses singnet and is from singapore. so it's not that bad afterall. but once again. thank you LOADS for SCREWING UP MY TAG BOARD.


piffft. fine la. go home for all i care. this is such a pissing week k. today i just stayed back for nothing. but i just come to realise that i only got 22 more DAYS till the presentation for PBL. and today went to find teacher to approve it. but i dunno for what reason. she's not in sch. ahhhh. we are so dead. we are so dead.



and i just pulled to hard. and my tie knot dropped out. now i dunno how to retie my tie. someone help me!! that's the end of my life. seriously. ): it's been a really tough day for me today. so many shitty and bad thing happened. i wonder if all this is just part of the growing years. part of puberty. part of my learning journey. part of my life. i'm sure everything happens for a purpose. but i just can't seem to find any purpose in what i experienced today. like all this shit and stuff. what can i learn from it. i just can't seem to find it.



so this shitty day all started when i went to school in the morning. glad i didn't run for mass run. had patrolling duty. yahyah. so after that, i went on to chinese class. it was bad. seriously bad. 1st time i did not enjoy chinese class k. 1st, i got miss tan coming in. and saying that she is so so so disappointed with our hols hw and stuff. seriously la. i think i rather do compo and stuff. less time wasted and more saliva saved too. so she started scolding. and say we didn't put in effort. altho we like spent 2 weeks struggling to do it. i'm sure she didn't meant us i guess. so it was really shit cause for the 1st time in my life. i began to feel that i did not like her as much anymore. den it was presentation time. i dunno why but some IDIOTIC SELFISH woman who i dun wanna name, is like all prepared to give her long long speech and just don't wanna move. and can't seem to be able to take the initiative to like swop with the 1st group, since they are having trouble la. so this was the super shitty part. miss tan just screamed la. and i mean screamed. she bang bang bang on the table and yah. i wasn't impressed. hahas. den i saw her face turn tomato red. as in tomato red. should have took a photo of that and added to my collection la. sigh. wasted. and she just said some stuff. nono. she screamed some stuff, took her stuff, and like stomp all the way out of the class. i wonder if she's in track last time k. she can walk and run so fast. and before i turn my head, she's like at da routanda 2nd floor.



so i i like her this attitude actually. i just dunno why. it's like so cool. and WOW. and if i ever be a teacher when i grow up (that's my dream job?) i'm so gonna be like her. ((: just so wow. and it's make u feel like chasing after her. reminds me of those thingy in the movies la. so aniwae. i decided what to tell her. and i ran down so that i can talk to her bout da stuff and like so called apologise for the whole class. this is the bad point of being a chinese rep.. whateva the class does to the chinese teacher, i always have to say stuff so that the teacher wun be so angry and stuff like that. and to gurentee that she won't run away anymore. so i went down, apologise. and she gave me those kind of "i'm so not impressed look" and that "i don't give a damn" sigh. i wonder if she really heard what i was telling her all along. and i think i can see that she was trying hard not to laugh. sigh. must be me and my weird emotions. yeah. so when clarice was doing the "dui bu qi" bow thingy. i was seriously trying not to laugh. and i failed miserably. and she thinks i'm weird and stuff and that i'm not sincere. i am ok. if i'm not, why would i give a shit bout finding you. one, cause it's for the sake of my class. two, it's because you are my eye*****. and three, cause i care.



yeah. so that's the end of the shitty chinese thing. next, it was council meeting. the world is just so unfair. i dunno why. there's this person in council i seriously hate a lot. i bet my dadang noes. and i think only she noes. she's been bullying me in council camp, making me cry and stuff. so bossy and thinks she's miss-noe-it-all. and stuff la. as if she's so popular. doesn't she even know that many many many people don't like her. anyway, the world is just so unfair. i had been in council welfare. this really nice nice nice subcomm k. and i don't ever wish to go back to archives again. the world is just so unfair. the person i hate, actually out into student welfare OUT of archives and now student welfare has all the enthu people. and my dadang is in there!!! we actually got seperated for the 1st time. and now, i'm like in archives FROM council welfare. what shit is this i ask you? fine. ok. that's BIG BIG matter what now is another BIGGER matter. from tomorrow onwards, we are supposed to have class duty. like in primary sch kind, each council in charge of a class and mus make sure that the class ppl tuck in shirt and stuff. the PERSON i hate a lot, actually got to look after my mortal's class. and for the sake of my life, my mortal's life, i shall not say the class. in case i make it too obvious and the person comes and kill me. and what is the most unfair though, is that DADANG is taking care of 1S2. can you believe it. 1S2. it's like my dream class to look after k. every single day, sit behind that class and u get to stare at AHEM summore. i seriously don't mind. and i'm right here, stuck with my petrolling duty. oh well, i shall be optimistic. mayb something good will happen during my petrolling days.


THANK YOU WAITENG. hahas. <333 thank you for being willing to swop duty with me for a day. for letting me feel closer to ahem. and u better read this k.




now. i just simply wish i have the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference. whoa. i sound so chim all of a sudden. and i love her attitute. <3333 YAY!! i am sick. ooohlalala. ((: and i'm proud to say that i'm no longer pms-ing starting from yesterday. yesterday was seriously miserable la. i slept in the afternoon. great. i never take afternoon naps one. why? cause they will make you fat and lazy like a pig and i can't sleep after that at night if i ever take a nap. i'm a hyper active kid. x)


yes. so yesterday i was seriously sick. i felt like a pregnant woman. i got cramps. seriously bad cramps. den halfway while eating lunch, i got so shivery and stuff and all my goosebumps popped up. and i got sooo cold la. like i'm in antartica liddat. great. so i went to my grandma's house. was tooo sick to spy yesterday. i shitted and stuff but don't worry. i will spare you the details. ((: so i shitted shitted. vomitted vomitted. slept slept. ate medicine ate medicine. den i shitted shitted. vomitted vomitted. and i was so weak k. my lips were white. wanna see? i show u my pic. (: my whity lips. goood for the colgate whitening advertisement. can say i applied the toothpaste on my lips. hahas.


i am so jealous tooo. how i wish she could strangle me. how i wish she could throw a shoe at me. how i wish i noe her shoe size. (: hahas. long weeekend. oohlala. but i dun think i can survive it though.


been thinking a lot la. these few days. and it suddenly popped to me that my obsession will stop. sooner or later. it will stop this year. that's for sure. i bet i will forget about her when i go to sec 3. or maybe i won't. sigh. and it's better to stop it now. bcoz i will be so heartbroken at the last day of sch. how can i stop this obsession? is there a cure or what? i noe. make her hate me more. sigh. that won't work. it will only make me sadder. so how? wad should i do? and i wanna transfer cca. tsktsk. x) pifff. i hate this week. i just dunno why k. i am just like so busy and i got tons and tons of stuff to rush for deadlines. i hate deadlines. why must the line be dead? cannot be alive ah? pifff. lots and lots of ppl are at josef tan's wedding now i bet. and this includes CHUCKY. she is not replying my sms and stuff. blahh. i bet she wun update me on it either. pouts. i wonder if ahem went to the wedding.


yesterday was such a shitty youth day. i rather go and see bill gates instead of being stuck in the hall k. we had this youth day "concert". i thought it would be like last yr. with teachers performing, us laughing, and having lots and lots of fun la. but no. we didn't do tat. this yr's concert was damn pathatic please. it was like 1/2h? and with dances from tamil society. oh well, i guess seeing her baby photo wasn't that bad la. but the rest just sucked k. and it was like in such a rush. cause after tat was o lvl oral.


rciy tat night was not tat fun for me i guess. i was like pmsing and stoning and like staring into space la. i din noe my uncle noes bro mic!! and bro mic was his SJI teacher summore. WOW. and he told bro mic my name and stuff. and bro mic is so gonna pay attention on me from now on. crap. and they talked on some work stuff. on transfers of sch and blah and i jus rotted waiting. yah. fullstop. delight. i deleted your tag. sorry. i just need to delete. u wrote the 3 MOST IMPORTANT WORDS to reveal ahem's identity. i seriously cannot let anyone else read. sorry. i deleted your tag. nxt time call her ahem. ((:



sigh. this is such a bad week man. i am just so pissed bout everything. everything. yes. i mean everything. i just dunno why la. she all together daoed me like 8 times. called her 3 times no one pick up. FINE LA. piff